There’s a part of me that misses the process of hiring a babysitter – a very, very, very, very small part of me.
A number of years of ago, we passed the milestone where we no longer required the hiring of babysitters – that watershed moment where our oldest child could stay at home with her siblings and the chances of a fire burning the house down were less than 50 percent.
But for well over a decade, that wasn’t the case. We were fortunate to have family nearby, and friends who would actually volunteer to keep our kids sometimes.
But most parents with young children don’t have that luxury, and finding a responsible person, or just a person, to babysit was almost as hard as finding a good plumber.
For those struggling to find a good babysitter, I, as per usual, have some tips and advice for what to look for in a babysitter, how to keep a babysitter, and signs that you’ve hired a bad babysitter.
You’re welcome in advance. First of all, in finding a good babysitter, look for:
• Someone who doesn’t date. Dating often gets in the way of your social schedule, which is our only concern for this exercise. Either find a nun, or a babysitter too young to date or so old that the last date they had was via horse and buggy.
• Someone who won’t run their mouth.
You can’t imagine the lies your kids will tell while you’re gone – “My daddy fixed it where we get cable for free,” “My daddy lets us watch ‘Animal House’ all the time,” “Here is where my daddy buried his money in the backyard.”
A discreet babysitter can save you big money on attorney’s fees.
• Someone who you haven’t seen on an episode of “Cops.”
Unless they are a nun, or a cop. To keep a babysitter, make sure to:
• Sabotage any attempts at dating.
If your young babysitter turns dating age, you must do everything in your power to stop it, or you will lose him/her and be forced to find another babysitter. I would suggest not sullying the suitor’s reputation – it could backfire.
Instead, you can create a number of small inconveniences to thwart the dating process before it gets started – slashing the guy’s tires; mailing him anonymous, threatening letters; pouring honey on him and tying him up in the woods – that type of thing.
• Pay well.
If it comes down to babysitting for you or another couple, money talks. Pay more than the going rate and you won’t be the one searching for a sitter the night of the big shindig.
Some signs you might have hired a bad babysitter:
• They show up toting a keg.
• Before you leave, they ask if your wi-fi blocks any adult websites.
• When you call to check in, her pimp answers the phone.
• When you reach for your wallet to pay them, they say “Don’t worry. I’ve already taken care of that.”
Bottom line: If you can find a nun, sign her to a longtime, binding babysitting contract. Unless she shows up toting a keg.
• Len Robbins is the editor of The Clinch County News. He can be reached at lrobbins@clinchcounty news
