Have you ever been hurt by a church? If so, you’re not alone. Many people have experienced pain from church, where relationships, trust and even faith are tested due to misunderstandings or actions of others. As a pastor, I’ve heard countless stories of individuals whose lives and families have been deeply affected by negative experiences within the church. While not every church causes harm, the potential for hurt is real, whether intentional or not.
This pain can make people hesitant to re-engage with the church, fearing further hurt or questioning its role in their lives. I’ve known people who once thrived in church—serving joyfully and loving the community— only to be deeply wounded and now struggle to even attend church.
While we are addressing the painful side of church life, I want to emphasize that I love the church. I love God’s people, and I believe the church is the bride of Christ, called to reflect God’s goodness to the world. Though the church is imperfect, we are still called to love, cherish, and support it, just as Christ does. It is also important to acknowledge that I do not wish to downplay anyone’s pain. I know some people can be overly sensitive (i.e. they get their feelings hurt easy), I’m referring here to real, deep wounds.
So, how are we hurt in the church? Often, it’s because of someone else’s actions, whether from a leader or a fellow member. This is especially damaging when someone we trust and admire falls into sin. Sometimes, people are hurt by uncontrolled tempers or gossip. The Bible warns that the tongue is a powerful, dangerous thing. Other times, hurt comes from those who are fickle and always stirring up conflict.
Hurt can also arise from attitudes of favoritism or hypocrisy. When people show partiality or act like they have it all together, while neglecting the deeper issues of their hearts, it can leave others feeling judged and alienated. The Bible makes it clear that God shows no favoritism, and neither should we.
Certainly, the list could go on.
How, then, do we heal from this hurt? First, we must forgive. The Bible teaches that we are to forgive others, just as God has forgiven us. This is not always easy but essential for healing. Along with forgiveness, we must love one another as family. The church isn’t just a place to attend, it’s a community where believers support, encourage, and care for each other.
Another key to healing is to remember not everyone in the church is out to hurt you. Once wounded, we are often hesitant to seek future relationships with others. However, it’s vital to build and maintain positive relationships, even when past hurts linger. We also need realistic expectations. No church, pastor or believer is perfect. We all have faults, and when we expect perfection, we set ourselves up for disappointment every time.
Finally, we must move forward. It’s easy to get stuck in the past, holding on to past grievances, but the Bible calls us to forget what lies behind and press on toward what God has for us in the future.
Church hurt is painful, but it doesn’t have to be the end of the story. Through forgiveness, love, and the help of Christ, healing is possible. The church may never be perfect, but it remains the body of Christ and God is still at work within it. Let’s embrace His healing power and continue to be His hands and feet in a world that desperately needs His love.
“But if I tarry long, that thou mayest know how thou oughtest to behave thyself in the house of God, which is the church of the living God, the pillar and ground of the truth.” - 1 Timothy 3:15 “And be ye kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God for Christ’s sake hath forgiven you.” Ephesians 4:32 Jimmy Barrett is a resident of Blackshear and pastor of Southside Baptist Church in Waycross.
