I haven’t written to President-Elect Trump seeking consideration for his cabinet yet, but I figure, why not?
He’s filling positions left and right and it doesn’t require any qualifications, so I decided to put my name in the pot, uh, baking sheet.
I even drew a picture with color crayons to get his attention.
I don’t want to run the State Department. I don’t want to be responsible for the Pentagon. I don’t want to be chief of staff.
No, I want something far simpler and more enjoyable. I am busy after all. I have lots of responsibilities. Why, just this past summer, I found out I am the all powerful “King of All Media.”
Seems as though social media gave me this power and title because I single handedly picked, voted for, staged a forum to coronate and then elected a certain local candidate. Never mind the fact that I live across the Big Satilla Creek in a foreign nation.
Don’t tell the big guy about that. You know, the one with the really bad hairdo.
Another thing that we probably shouldn’t tell him is that I may or may not have written in Kirby Smart for president.
Kirby, after all, figured out how to make Georgia great again, not once but twice. O.k. maybe it was just the Georgia Bulldogs, but he made them great again didn’t he? It hasn’t happened since Vince Dooley of sainted memory once roamed the hedge encircled sidelines of Sanford Stadium.
King of all Media not withstanding, I would like another, more powerful job in the government.
I will serve without compensation — mostly.
I don’t even need a government owned house or Secret Service protection or a taxpayer funded cell phone or vehicle. The title itself will be enough for me.
I will leave immigration, tax cuts, lowering the price of gas and eggs and figuring out what to do in Ukraine, Israel and Syria to the other more important people in the government.
None of that is my cup of tea or area of expertise.
I want to be the Emperor of Chocolate Chip Cookies.
It will be a hard job, but someone has to do it. I will travel far and wide — internationally and even across the Satilla in both directions to extol the exceptional delicious goodness of chocolate chip cookies. I will usher in the golden age of chocolate chip cookies. I will chocolate chip cookies great forever!
I mailed the letter to you know who a few days ago. I’ll let you know how it goes.
And, I’ll send you a homemade batch of chocolate chip cookies just for good luck.
