I’m lazy.
I had to stick my finger in an electric socket just to force myself off the couch to write this (Note to self: Move computer to couch).
I like being lazy. If I wasn’t lazy, I would probably have to get up more often. I’ve gotten up plenty of times. It’s overrated. And, occasionally causes dizziness. As does bending over, which I have decided to boycott.
You may be lazy too. In between naps, I have compiled a list of 14 things that show whether you are lazy if they apply to you (Why 14? Because I was too lazy to come up with 15. Quit asking stupid questions).
Here goes.
You may be lazy if:
• You have already stopped reading this because reading is too hard.
• You quit brushing your teeth because your electric toothbrush was too difficult to operate.
• You decide not to watch television because you can’t find the remote control – after looking for 20 seconds.
• Your idea of a workout is watching bowling on TV.
• You won’t leave your bubble bath to urinate.
• You are unemployed, broke, have a working lawnmower, and
still pay someone to mow your lawn.
• You have failed in repeated attempts to build a cooler inside your recliner – not because it was too vexing of a project, but because you didn’t feel like looking for a screwdriver.
• After you go to the bathroom, instead of pulling up your pants, you just leave them down.
• You won’t take a lunch break because you don’t feel like getting out of your chair.
• You are six months late on your credit card bill, car payment, waterbed payment, child support, and mortgage, and you’re still telling whoever knocks on your door to “Come in” because you don’t feel like getting up.
• You consider going to the convenience store to get beer “a night
on the town.”
• The only physical exercise you get is when you throw a pillow at someone standing between you and the television.
• After throwing the pillow, you decide it would take too much effort to go pick it up.
• After throwing the pillow, and deciding it would take too much effort to pick it up, you take off your shirt and use it as your pillow.
Do I have any comrades in laziness? Call me and let me know. Leave a message.
I’m not getting up to find my phone.
• Len Robbins is the editor of The Clinch County News. He can be reached at lrobbins@clinchcounty news
