Of all the things I’ve learned, one has made a difference in my life.
After 53 years of marriage, I’ve discovered that true happiness boils down to one thing. Discovering that thing is a treasure of gold. Most people have never discovered this, so their lives are unhappy.
It all boils down to one point: how many married couples are happy? If only one is happy, it’s not a good marriage. If both are happy, well, you know the answer.
The explanation of what happy means will help us understand this whole scenario.
For some people, being happy means always being right and always getting what they want, when they want it.
My mother used to say when I’d ask her if she was alright, “No, son,” she’d say with a smile, “I’m half left.”
Then she’d say, “If we were to be right all the time, why did God give us a left hand?”
So, to be happy, I don’t necessarily have to be right all the time. I don’t always have to have all my way. Sometimes I need a left hand for balance.
The important aspect of marriage is discovering what makes the other person happy. The only rocky point in our marriage has to do with broccoli.
Wife Martha, the Gracious Mistress of the Parsonage, has a fascinating love for broccoli while I have a deplorable hatred for it, and the twain shall never meet on our dinner table.
Early in our marriage, I didn’t know about her and broccoli, but it wasn’t long after I discovered it. To that point, I’d never tasted broccoli, and I wasn’t about to start then.
At the same time, she didn’t know about my fascination with apple fritters. I grew up in Pennsylvania Dutch country where they’re king of desserts.
Martha was happy when she was eating broccoli and I was happy when I was eating a fritter. These two can’t be done on the same table, if you know what I mean.
At that point, it all boiled down to one thing. Are we going to determine what the other person likes? Or, will we accept them as long as it makes them happy?
That’s so critical that I don’t know anything more important.
If I can master this one thing, then there’ll be nothing but happiness in our marriage. I don’t demand she like what I like, and she doesn’t demand I like what she likes. We just put up with certain things and don’t make an issue of them.
My secret is, if she passes before me, I’ll make sure there’s broccoli in her casket she can take with her.
The key to marriage is agreement. I like what it says in Amos.
“Can two walk together, except they be agreed?” — Amos 3: 3
If you walk down a path going to a certain destination, although you both are going in the same direction, one can look to the left and the other to the right. It’s the destination that’s important.
Dr. Snyder is a former pastor who lives with the Gracious Mistress of the Parsonage, wife Martha, in Ocala, Fla. His email is [email protected]
