Among my many distinctions, the one I’m least proud of is that I was one of nine people in the United States of America to actually pay to see “Howard the Duck” in a movie theater.
I was an impressionable youngster at a mall with a lot of time to kill. That’s my excuse.
But the cold hard truth is that I was duped. I foolishly read the poster on the wall outside the theater promoting the movie.
“Funny!” “The best… film George Lucas has ever made!”
“I laughed out loud!” All of the above quotes were attributed to movie reviewers in reference to “Howard the Duck” on the poster, and in the movie trailer.
Nearly two excruciating hours later, I had learned a valuable lesson: Advertising (except in this newspaper) can be deceptive.
Upon further investigation, I found that, yes, those reviewers did say those things – but in a totally different context: “This movie is not funny!” “The best example of poor filmmaking I have ever seen. It’s easily the worst film George Lucas has ever made.”
“I laughed out loud — not because it was funny, but rather because how utterly horrible it was.”
Since that point, I have become a student of the intricacies of movie advertising.
With people now going back to the movies, I decided to try to revisit my favorite pre-pandemic television program, “Nothing But Trailers” — which is, as stated, a TV program that shows nothing but movie trailers, sometimes for hours at a time. Anyway, my wife walks by and sees the trailer for “Unfrosted.”
“That looks like something we’d like,” she remarked. “Let’s watch that.”
“Ah, I don’t think so,” I replied dismissively.
She then asked why, and I explained to her all the criteria that must be met before I will even consider going to see a movie at a theater, or even watching it on a streaming service. Here is a condensed version of my lecture:
• Don’t judge a movie by the previews.
While I absolutely adore the aforementioned “Nothing But Trailers,” any movie can look good for a couple of minutes. All you have to do is cram the funniest or best parts of that movie into those two minutes.
Unfortunately, most movies have 118 additional minutes. And, on the other hand, some movie previews can’t give justice to a film.
• When looking at quotes about a movie on a poster, or advertisement, or trailer, try to catch a glimpse of who actually said it.
They are usually in miniscule letters, but it’s usually not a good sign if the person who called a movie “the greatest film of all time” is Larry Frebarsky of WBIA-TV in Canton, Ohio, or someone else similarly obscure.
If you’re going to trust these quotes — and it’s not a good practice to begin with — make sure they are from legitimate media organizations, like the New York Times or Time or even Playboy (not Penthouse, though).
• Don’t listen to a thing other celebrities say about movies on TV or on podcasts.
They aren’t going to be critical of a movie on “The Today Show” or “The Tonight Show” or on some podcast because they need those celebrities to appear on their programs. And they don’t want to hurt any feelings.
• Stick to word of mouth. Now, by that, don’t trust all words that come out of all mouths. For instance, if the dumbest person you know tells you how great “Anyone But You” was, I wouldn’t give that much credence. On the other hand, if someone who you respect tells you how great “Hit Man” is (which it is), you should consider it.
Basically, try to listen to people you know who share the same tastes as you. At least two of them.
And the Rotten Tomatoes website gives a wide array of reviews (from regular people and critics) if need be.
Don’t be snookered by these show folk and their slick ways — you’ll never get those two hours back.
• Len Robbins is the editor of The Clinch County News. He can be reached at lrobbins@clinchcounty news
